I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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