You can't motorboat a personality
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
