My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
