If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
