my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
