I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
vagina is talking i cant
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
