i may or may not be watching the land before time
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
someone owes me an orgasm
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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