she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
