I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
