Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
