I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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