you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
