What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
