I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
