Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
