All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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