I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
