someone get that fucking seahorse.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My bed smells like the plague
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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