So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
