White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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