I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
