just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
