Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
