Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
