I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
