Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
