there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We left the knife in your bed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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