3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
