Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
