dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
