i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
