Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
