You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
