You're completely useless in the revolution.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
