I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I cannot find my penis.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
