im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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