im six kinds of drunk right now
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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