his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
