im gay
i know
yea but for you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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