just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
