This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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