I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
