I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
