can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
