Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
