my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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