She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Boobs are out for the taking
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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