OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
