What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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