i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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