Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
