It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My balls are so social today.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
