I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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